Frustration. My life has been centered around this word the past week. Can I just say it suck trying to find a job here. Ugh. I have applied at 18 places...and followed up with some as well. No luck. Which leads to me being a failure. At least I feel like one.
I've fallen so far away from the place I started from. Those are lyrics in the song I am listening to right now. Tasty.
I finally hung out with Hannah today. Girl time is much needed. I feel so good around her. I love that I can talk to her about anything and don't have to worry about her going off and telling the whole world. How come we can't find trust like that more often? This world is slowly deteriorating. Okay, not slowly. It is happening rather quickly.
My moods have been all over the place as of late. It is absolutely ridiculous. One minute I am happy and then next I am frustrated. Probably because I am not eating regularly. Who would have thought? My goodness. Why is that a constant struggle in my life? I don't understand. It sucks. So badly. But I do not know how to fully let go of it. I about half a bowl's worth of organic bran cereal with a banana today and salad with some bread for dinner...and just from eating that I feel gross and huge. What in the world is wrong? I wish I was just normal. Granted, I've had a few swedish fish. But just a few. I just want to feel good about myself. I am tired of being self conscience. I am tired of feeling like a balloon after chewing on one piece of bran cereal. I know it is happening for a reason. But why is it still happening?
School. I kind of feel like it is a waste of time. I am past the whole "college scene"...it is pointless. The drinking, smoking and "college life" brings no fulfillment whatsoever. At least to me. I wish we would start bible studies up here on Fridays.
Some friends are going to the Badlander tonight to listen to some sweet beats and dance it up. I really want to go. But Ian wants to study. I, obviously, don't want to study. It's Friday night. I mean, come on. I love him. I really do. I just wish he would step outside of his comfort zone more and do something I like to do without being guilted into it. I feel like I do a lot of things he wants to do. I don't think I am being selfish in thinking this way. But...blog...please, correct me if I am wrong. I just want him to want to do some of the things I want to do. I mean, love sacrifices. Right?
I love Ian. So much.
Hmmm. I could be doing so many things with my life right now. Why am I here? I guess it is a good thing I am not in control of my life. Why is having control so addictive? What makes one person right? Why is there pride?
I wonder why my mood swings have been so bad lately. Hmmm.
Sometimes I don't feel like I am good enough. I am so grateful for Jesus.
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