The girl with the wrap.

I am here...again. Sitting at the front window of Liquid Planet. Ian sits next to me, translating Greek. And I sit. I watch this Greenpeace volunteer try to get a few "hippies" donate money. I love how everyone in Missoula tries so hard to be hippies. It is hilarious. The Greenpeace man with the greasy hair is back to wear he started now, talking to the same young man sitting outside of Liquid Planet. He has been here for as long as I have. He is just staring at people that walk by. Haha. But so am I.

I could really go for some bubble tea at the moment. That sounds delicious. Is it bad that I am counting down the days to when Ian is done with school. Only 12 more days!!! Not counting finals week though. Then I get him all to myself. Hooray! I am so excited. Also, Emi is moving in with Ashli and I so we don't have to move. Hallelu. There is so much less stress in my life now. Woot.

Today was my first day back to work...after six days of being sick. It was good. I am still debating whether or not i want to go back to school. This happens all of the time. I should probably just make up my mind.

Today is 4/20...I wonder how many people are actually high. How dumb. This guy came through the drive-thru at work today and wished me a happy 4/20. It is interesting. I did not know how to respond other than saying a lame thanks back.

Seriously...some of the weirdest people live in Missoula. The kid who sat here and stared just left with a fellow I know. This lady is trying to parallel park, it is so funny. She just keeps driving and then putting it in reverse..back and forth, back and forth. And bam, she decides to end right where she started. Oh humans. We are, indeed, odd.

Another fellow that came to work today asked for and Obama cup of coffee..just black. I was not okay with that. How rude. I mean, seriously. Who says that? It is so sad how many of us have no respect for others. Racism is a sad thing.

The girl with the wrap has so mayonnaise on the side of her mouth. She just tried to wipe if off with one quick swipe. Unfortunately she missed it. I wonder if I should tell her...maybe knock on the window and do some creepy weird sign language thing. That would be effective. Yup, the mayonnaise is still upon her face.

Man, these Greenpeace guys are making their moves. The one with the greasy hair moved to a younger girl...I think he might be flirting with her. I wonder if she is flattered. She seems to be cracking a few smiles. Oooh...she made the move. He convinced her..she is filling out the sheet. I bet the hair sticking to his forehead won her over. I mean who doesn't love a man with charming words and greasy hair? Mmmm...that is what I am talking about.

Oooh...now the witty man with the lion on his face is making a move on the girl with the wrap. What a perfect match. Let the flirting begin. Ha ha.

Today.

Yesterday, was quite the day. I have not been to a memorial service in quite sometime. I did not even really know Josh but I could not stop crying. Death is such a sad thing at times...it should be happy if you think about it. He or she is on to being with Jesus. How exciting. I always struggle with the fact of wondering who goes to heaven and who doesn't. Good thing I don't have to worry about that. I'm glad it is all up to God.

I've been thinking a lot lately about heaven. I don't understand how when people die everyone is for heaven and meeting loved ones at the pearly gates but while living here on earth, he or she isn't for God or doesn't follow Him. That confuses me. Is it because we, as humans, don't want to be told how to live our lives? I know, for me, following the Lord has only brought good to my life. I don't know. Just something that has been on my mind a lot lately.

Anyway, our lease for our house is up in May. I have no idea where I am going to live. I have a few options but nothing seems to really line up. I know I just need to wait and keep moving forward. I just hate not being in control. Even though when I am in control...things seem to get worse. Ha. Weird how that works.

Ian and I have been praying a lot together as of late. It has been wonderful. A true bond that is being formed with Jesus as the center. It has been so good. I just fall in love with him more and more every day. I can't wait to marry him. But I don't want to rush anything if it is not the right time. Then I come to...why wait when you have met the person you want to be with for the rest of your life. So many thoughts. I am just so grateful for him and the love we share.

I have been sick since last Thursday. So stupid. I have not worked in six days. Which is so weird. I have literally been lying down and watching movies until yesterday. I am finally starting to feel better. Praise Jesus.

Away.

Today was supposed to be my day off...I was excited to go volunteer and then go relax and read in a coffee shop. But...I have to go into work for someone today and I really do not have a joyful heart about it. I wish I did. I just feel like people at my work sometimes use lame excuses. Which is not true. It just is frustrating that I am expected to cover shifts..or maybe I just feel like it. I am just kind of emotional today. None of this would matter at all on any other normal day. Haha!

I woke up with a headache. I hate those days. I realized I really suck at prayer. I don't know why it is so hard for me to separate myself from everything and just pray. Hmmm. This song is really good...I just listened to it

Sweep Me Away -Kari Jobe
Father I love your ways
You came in your mercy,
and died in my place.
All I can do is bow
Because of your goodness,
and your sovereign grace.

Then you sweep me away
Sweep me away in your love,
where nothing else matters
Sweep me away
Sweep me away in your love,
where nothing else matters.

Tears rolling down my face
Because of your love,
and your sweet embrace.
The peace that just overflows
It's hidden i know,
you have been waiting to

Sweep me away
Sweep me away in your love,
where nothing else matters
Sweep me away
Sweep me away in your love,
where nothing else matters.

Sweep me away,
just you and me lord
Sweep me away
Sweep me away in your love
Sweep me away in your love
Sweep me away in your love
Away in your love, sweep

Sweep me away
Sweep me away in your love,
where nothing else matters
Sweep me away
Sweep me away in your love,
where nothing else matters.

Just you and me,
just you and me
Sweep me away oh lord
Your grace it covers me,
your love it covers me,
oh god you cover me.
Your grace it covers me,
your love it covers me,
oh god you cover me.

Let me be full of joy...and take opportunities to always serve for you. No matter what it may be. Let me remember that it is in giving that we receive.

Delight.

Beauty for ashes.

Take this heart of stone and make it Yours.

Trading all that I have for all that is better.

A garment of praise for my heaviness.

Foam perfection.

What does it take to make perfect foam for a latte? Well, I should know since I am a barista and all. Liquid planet, in my twenty years of living...I, on this day, give you the award for foam perfection. This vanilla latte is beyond delicious. I believe it is the best I've had since living in Montana. Thank you furry, bearded fellow for making this latte of love :) Haha. But seriously!

Anywho...

I'm sitting at the front window of liquid planet and find myself making weird eye contact with people walking by. Not surprising though. I'd rather watch people than do..well...anything else. Okay, not anything else but more so than not. I always let my thoughts take me for a walk. I like to think I know what is going on in other's lives when I watch them. And when it comes down to it I really know nothing about he or she. It is fun to think I do though :)

John Mayer just popped on my Coldplay Pandora station. This is what I am talking about. I wish I could get paid to sit in the corner or coffee shops, try their drinks, rate them, write, read and watch people. Gosh, what a life that would be! I'd be more than okay with that lifestyle.

My mind seriously never stops churning. I feel like I'm making butter. Ha, I make myself laugh and that isn't even funny. I wonder if anyone really understands me. I don't even really understand myself. What does understanding someone really mean though? Hmm...maybe i should be a philosopher. Sometimes I think that would be really enjoyable. Then I listen to what Ian learns in his classes and it just seems like an endless circle of trying to figure out life and never getting anywhere. That just doesn't sound very rewarding to me.

I have been thinking a lot about going back to school...AGAIN. I am so fickle. I wish I would just make a decision and stay with it like most people. But let's be honest, I am definitely not like most people. A few months ago Hollee mentioned a major at the university...I don't remember what it is called..but it has to do with working with deaf children. I think that would be awesome. I really would like to be a teacher of some sort but I just can't get past all of the schooling. I wish I could just skip the college part and just be a teacher now. I suppose that is not how things work these days. Unfortunate. I've also thought a lot about bible school somewhere which would be swell. China keeps reminding me about the bible school in Sweden. It would be awesome. It is rather expensive and I think you have to pay upfront for everything. That also means I would have to be across the world from Ian for a few months. I think it would be good for us but it would also really suck. We're talking about going from seeing him every day to not seeing him for months. I feel like it would strengthen our relationship a lot. I just fear I would become depressed and very lonely. I know that would be more true for Ian. I don't know exactly what to do. There are so many options. I am definitely getting sick of working all of the time. Hmmm. So many options. If some random person could just walk up to me and tell me what to do, that would be FANTASTIC!

Side note. One of my favorite words is masochist. I like how it sounds. I like how it feels when I pronounce it. Weird, I know. There are just certain words that I really like. Mostly for the way it feels when I say them. Hahaha!

Last night I slept terribly. I kept tossing and turning. I think it is because I haven't had caffeine for so long and I got a split shot yesterday instead. No bueno. I should have learned from yesterday but I did it again today. Whoops.

P.s. This latte is still rather delicious.

Candyland.

Oh, how I wish I lived in the times of candyland again. I didn't have a care in the world. I didn't notice what I ate or drank that day. I didn't limit myself to certain foods; I didn't stress about money; I didn't constantly look in the mirror; I didn't criticize myself for the little flap of skin I don't like; I didn't worry about being a size one and staying a size one. It wasn't about the sizes. It wasn't about making myself look "pretty"...heck, I didn't even know what makeup was. I didn't skip meals all of the time or worry about getting to the gym to exercise. Don't get me wrong, exercise is great. But exercise doesn't seem to be about being healthy anymore (for some, it is). It seems to be all about vanity. Everything is vanity. I am seeing that more and more.

I listen to my thoughts and the thoughts of others. We are all wrapped up in ourselves, how we look, if we are liked/disliked, how many things we can add to our treasure chests...what grade we got on some test, how to be more successful. First of all, what is success? Really. Think about it. What is success? The second definition on dictionary.com says, "the attainment of wealth, position, honors, or the like..." Since when has wealth been apart of success? Probably always. But why? What does wealth have to do with anything? What about being able to love others unconditionally, spreading grace and mercy? When did those stop being apart of the definition of success? Our world. When will it stop?