Traffic Jam.

I hate having strange dreams that affect your day. I was trying to figure out why I was looking at old pictures of the past. It all makes sense. Stupid. This happens every single time and I am tired of it. Sometimes I just feel so helpless..like things will never change and go back. That that part of my heart will never fully return. I knew this would happen when I was in California. I hate it. Truly hate it. I know God has a plan. And I will continue to trust in Him. He is holy. Always. And I am so grateful.

Lord, I am wholly surrendered to you. Calm my anxious heart. Transform me into the woman you have called me to be. Let me not get in the way. And I pray that my thoughts, actions, way of life will be holy and pleasing to you. Everything I do and everything I am is for you.

Let me not be distracted by the ways of the world. I trust in you. You hold me in your hand and I don't understand why you chose me...of all people. I have no words. I haven't had words for quite sometime.

I want to be broken. I want to be poor in the eyes of the world but rich in your love. Take my life. Take everything I have. I can't do any of this on my own. I want you. I want your love. You are the only one that will fulfill my deepest desires.

There is a traffic jam in my mind...so many thoughts. It's overflowing. Take it away Lord.

I find my shalom in you.

I will adore you.

A song that comes to mind...

Beautiful by Kari Jobe

Here, before Your altar,
I am letting go of all I've held
of every motive, every burden,
everything that's of myself.
and I just wanna wait on You my God
I just wanna dwell on who You are.

beautiful, beautiful oh I am lost for more to say
beautiful, beautiful oh Lord, You're beautiful to me

oh beautiful

here in Your presence,
I am not afraid of brokenness
to wash Your feet with humble tears
oh I would be poured out till nothing's left.
and I just wanna wait on You my God
I just wanna dwell on who You are, who You are

Beautiful, beautiful oh I am lost for more to say
beautiful, beautiful oh Lord, You're beautiful to me

oh Lord You're beautiful, beautiful beautiful
holy holy holy You are You are
holy holy holy You are You are
holy holy holy You are You are
holy holy holy You are You are

beautiful, beautiful oh I am lost for more to say
beautiful, beautiful oh Lord, You're beautiful to me

and I just wanna wait on You my God
I just wanna dwell on who You are.