Mind set.

I have been trying to have the right mind set. I feel like I keep getting distracted...more so by what is going on in my friend's lives. Hannah. I am quite worried about her. Sometimes I am totally fine not being in control but right now I seem to be struggling. I want so badly for her to wake up from this endless slumber she is in. I was to hit her..or something so that she will open her eyes. Only because I love her so much and I hate seeing her hurt. It really does hurt me. My heart seriously has been aching the past few days because of everything she is putting herself through. I just do not understand. I want to save her. I hate that I can't. I know it is all in God's control...sometimes I just get caught up in myself and want to take action in my own way and with my own timing. Wow. How terrible. To think that my way is even 1/16 better than the Lord's. What am I thinking? I just wish I knew what to do. I need to rejoice and bring Him praise and rest at His feet...this I know. Yet these past few days I just seem to be taking everything into my own hands. It does no good whatsoever.

I am so grateful that my God never changes. I feel Him sitting next to me right now. I wish I could hold His hand...as I write this I can't help but smile, cry and sigh because I know He is holding my hand right this second. I can feel it. I this feeling right now that I do not know how to describe. Wow. My precious Lord. Why me? I'm in The Break (coffee shop) and just feel like sobbing. Good tears though. Tears of joy, brokenness, surrender. This is Our God by Hillsong just came on my ipod. What a powerful song. It is exactly how I am feeling right now.

I've been struggling lately with eating. I feel like such advantage of what I have been given. Do I really need three meals a day? Do I need to go out constantly? Why do I have so much that I do not need? Why do I eat more than I need? What really is necessity? Ian's paper on simplicity really hit home. What have I been doing all of these years? What am I doing? Why am I so timid? Thoughts just keep coming.

I am so clueless. I still have no idea why I am here. It is time to sign up for classes next semester..and I keep putting it off because I don't even know what to sign up for..I don't even know what I want to major in. I don't know why I am in school. I am not as interested in it as others. I just want to worship the Lord with everything I do..and sometimes I feel as though I am not bringing Him glory with my schooling. Possibly because I have not been trying this semester. Maybe He is trying to teach me a lesson through it all. I wish I wasn't so clueless.

I trust in You. I don't want to be a doubting Thomas. I just read this..."when once the concentration is on God, all the margins of life are free an under the dominance of God alone. There is no responsibility on you for the work; the only responsibility you have is to keep in living constant touch touch with God, and to see that you allow nothing to hinder your cooperation with Him." Dang. Talk about stabbing me in the chest with conviction. Thank you Oswald Chambers. Ha ha ha! Wow..God really is trying to tell me something..a bit down the page it says..."We have no right to judge where we should be put, or to have preconceived notions as to what God is fitting us for." Wow.

Your love that rescued the earth lives in me. The same power that conquered the grave lives in me. I say it again...the same power that conquered the grave lives in me. Wow.

Oh, how your grace is so much more than enough for me.

Surrender.